Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Smartest Man In The World



















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How to find a pet rock. Pt2

Now for part two now that you have decided what type of rock you want, I will tell you exactly how to find one,capture it , and make it your slaves.

TYPE 1











                                                             
Now to find these types of rocks it's important to locate their leader(fact: rocks usually travel in packs of 3)
Now that you know this it should be quite easy to locate rocks.Also rocks are known for their shape shifting abilities, and can be disguised as anything, so it's fair to say that anytime there is three things in one place there is a 100% chance one of them is a rock.  

TYPE 2:

 
Now for the next type of pet rock, all you have to do is find a celebrity, here I have outlined all the notable celebrity hot spots: Hollywood,corner of the street buying drugs,pharmacy,street pharmacy,high class restaurant, pokecenter, whorehouse,housewhore,Whitney Houstan's vagina. Also it needs to be said when ever someone in Holly would says no they mean yes no matter what , so be persistent.!

How to find a pet rock.


Even an adventurer such as myself still longs for a lifelong companion. If your like me (and you probably are) you'll never find a girlfriend because you're forever alone. So what's almost as good as a girlfriend?A flesh light, and what's almost as good as a flesh light? A pet. Now most pets are awful, as outlined below:
Look at this "animal", what a disgrace.


So that's why the best pet to get is a pet rock. Now pet rocks are and I repeat NOT for beginners, it takes years of experience with pets to handle them. Now with that out of the way we will now start our search for a pet rock.




What kind of pet rock?

Now that you realize you want a pet rock you need to figure out what kind. As below I have picked some of the most popular two types of pet rocks:

Great with Families



Doesn't react well to cats.



Part two will be continued in the next post: Ask any questions in the comment section below.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Killer Mango

Kingdom: Animal
Class: Mammal
Location: Unknown (possibly a mango tree)
Notes: Known to be self-conscious about body,refuses to remove shirt when going to pool.

The Killer Mango. One of the most feared creatures in Eastern Hemisphere. The Killer Mango (douches mileycyrus) is know for its ferocious attacks on the human population. Very few people have seen one alive............I am one of these people........well ok actually I'm not but I know a guy.


The Man-Eating Stone.

Kingdom: Animal
Class: Mammal
Location: Found in tropical locations such as rainforest and the kidneys of middle age men.
Notes: Biological attraction to Muslim women who commit adultery.

The Man Eating Stone know by it's scientific name Rocky Geodude  , The Man Eating Rock has been know to terrorize the marshy environment of East America. Below I have indicated on a world map where Rocky Geodude maybe found.

Who is Chris Killabearov?

Who is Chris Killabearov you ask? What a stupid question to ask, (which means there is a 65% chance you are a woman there is also a 65% chance you are smarter than your husband).Chris Killabearov  is no other than the world's most famous wildman [1].He has been across the world documenting some of the most dangerous animals on the earth such as the Man-Eating Stone and the incredibly dangerous.....




[1] The "world" only refers to 5% of Australia land mass.